An Expat’s Guide to Declining a Wedding Invitation in Hong Kong: Proper Etiquette

In Hong Kong, weddings are deeply rooted in cultural traditions and values, emphasizing respect, harmony, and social ties. Declining a wedding invitation can feel daunting, but if handled thoughtfully, it will not harm your relationship with the couple. Here's a guide to help you navigate this situation with grace:

1. Understand the Cultural Context

  • Big Guest Lists: Chinese weddings often have large guest lists, and each guest’s presence symbolizes support and goodwill.

  • Personal Connections Matter: Your attendance (or lack thereof) may be perceived as a reflection of your relationship with the couple or their families.

  • Financial Aspect: Guests often contribute via "red packets" (利是, lai see) instead of gifts, which helps offset wedding costs. Declining means your absence could also be financial.

2. Respond Promptly

  • Timing: RSVP as soon as possible, ideally within a week of receiving the invitation. This gives the couple time to adjust their plans.

  • Method: If the invitation was sent formally, respond formally, such as through a card or email. If it was verbal or casual, a polite phone call or message is acceptable.

3. Be Gracious and Respectful

When declining, express gratitude and convey your regret sincerely. Here's a general structure:

  1. Thank Them: Acknowledge the honor of being invited.

    • Example: “Thank you so much for inviting me to celebrate this special occasion.”

  2. Express Regret: Politely state that you are unable to attend without over-explaining.

    • Example: “Unfortunately, I have prior commitments and won’t be able to join.”

  3. Wish Them Well: Send your best wishes for their special day.

    • Example: “I wish you a joyful and beautiful wedding celebration and a lifetime of happiness together.”

4. Offer a Gesture of Goodwill

  • Send a Red Packet (Lai See): It’s customary to send a monetary gift even if you cannot attend. The amount varies but is generally enough to cover your "share" of the banquet, plus a little extra for good luck. For example, HKD 500–1000 is common for casual friends, while closer relationships may warrant more.

  • Include a Note: Write a short congratulatory message to accompany your red packet.

  • Send a Gift: While less common, a thoughtful gift may also be appreciated, especially if the couple has a Westernized perspective.

5. Avoid These Pitfalls

  • Don’t Ignore the Invitation: Silence can be seen as rude or dismissive.

  • Don’t Over-Explain: Detailed excuses may seem insincere or unnecessary.

  • Avoid Last-Minute Declines: Unless it’s an emergency, canceling late is disrespectful, especially since banquets often require per-person costs.

6. Maintain the Relationship

  • Follow Up: After the wedding, check in with the couple to congratulate them and express your regret again for missing their big day.

  • Celebrate Together Later: If you’re close to the couple, suggest a small post-wedding meet-up to celebrate together.

Example Response (Formal)

Dear [Couple’s Names],

Thank you so much for inviting me to your wedding on [date]. It’s such an honor to be included in your special day.

Unfortunately, I have a prior commitment that I cannot change and regretfully will not be able to attend.

I wish you both a wonderful wedding celebration and a lifetime of happiness together. I’ll send along a small token of my congratulations separately. Please let me know if there’s a convenient way to do so.

Warm regards,
[Your Name]

Example Response (Casual)

Hi [Couple’s Names],

Thanks so much for inviting me to your wedding! I’m truly honored, but I have to let you know I won’t be able to attend due to [a prior engagement]. I’m so sorry to miss it, but I hope it’s a beautiful and joyful day.

I’ll send a little something your way to celebrate! Wishing you all the best on your big day and beyond.

Best,
[Your Name]

By responding promptly and respectfully, and showing goodwill through a red packet or thoughtful gesture, you can decline the invitation without straining your relationship with the couple.

Previous
Previous

The ROI of Corporate Flower Gifting

Next
Next

A Guide to Flower Tablescaping Themes for 2025